“Polifonia” is Italian for polyphony, a musical piece consisting of several harmonized melodies. How ironic. There is nothing harmonized about these shoes. If this is Fendi‘s idea of doing something exciting, I want off the ride now. Bring back the box totes and box toe heels, please! After all, boring is better than disastrous. The attempt at futuristic, architectural design is a total fail. With its goosebump texture (how appropriate) color-blocked top, the ankle boot ($1,295) is a cross between the Sydney Opera House and an armadillo. As if that weren’t enough, let’s talk about the awkward ankle strap, the cause of what I feel is this shoe’s identity crisis (bootie? pump?). And what’s with the rubber spikes on the heels – they look like fallen pieces from a Rubik’s Cubes. The sandal ($1,100) is slightly less offensive, but only when standing next to the atrocity that is her boot sister. The crazy silver heel is completely at odds with what could be an okay sandal. While trying very hard to be edgy and cool, the shape is ultimately sensible and dumpy. Available at Saks Fifth Avenue.