All right, so there’s nothing remotely “slob” about these seriously ladylike slingbacks. At least not in the traditional sense of the word. And that’s just my issue with these pretty little shoes: they are so traditional, they remind me of an elegant, pearl-clutching grandmother. Which isn’t exactly the look I’m going for. While my recent faves by Nicholas Kirkwood got my heart racing by turning the slingback on its head, these feel like a blast from the past.

The pointed toe, which is on-trend, no doubt; the glittering brocade pattern; the itty-bitty 2” kitten heel. It all adds up to a shoe that needs to be rocked with megawatts of irony in order to, well, rock. Think an edgy, winged eyeliner-wearing girl who goes all the way in the fifties-esque frock with a great, big wink or a true fashionista who will pair them with seriously roughed-up denim. On Net-a-Porter for $645.