What goes up must come down. I am starting to crave my simple Manolo slingback pumps again. (OMG. I’m turning into the Bob! First the Bottega necklace, now this.) Maybe it’s because wacky shoes like these are such a turn off! I’m sure French designer Laurence Dacade was going for classic glam-rock with the peacock-effect lamé, metallic gold, and all those jagged edges, but the outcome is more desperate than wild. She says, “shoes, like jewelry or sculpture, are very sensual objects.” I’m failing to see anything sensual going on here. Sure, they may be attention-getters, and you can call me boring, but I’d rather look pretty, not crazy.

Remember the cartoon Jem and the Holograms from the ‘80s? Well, remember her evil nemesis, Pizzazz? These boots are just her style, right along with her acid-green mullet and zebra-print mini-dress. Manolo, here I come! At Browns Fashion for $1,015 (£640).