These are hilarious. They look like a cross between a therapeutic boot and a wedge. I can’t put my finger on what exactly makes me feel this way, but I have a feeling it has something to do with the completely closed front and low pitch. I think I would feel like I was just carrying around nude blocks on my feet like some weird Biggest Loser challenge or something.

The Thimister Platform Wedge looks heavy and clunky. I don’t want either one of these words to describe what I’m wearing, and gives me a pretty good idea as to how I would feel wearing them. These seem like they would add an unpolished, frumpy aspect to even the sexiest of outfits. With the huge level bottom they also look like the sneakers that are supposed to help shape your back end. If these accomplish that, I’ll allow it. If not, I’ll pass. I have enough baggage in my life; I’d rather not strap more on myself on purpose.

$1,270.00 at Barneys New York